The Quiet Battle: Facing Mental Health as a Man
Being that it’s Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, I thought it would be appropriate to share my story and struggles. Men’s mental health has always been downplayed but it seems like it’s being acknowledged more.
My Mental Health
I knew what triggered my bad anxiety, but I didn’t know why it was my reaction. As men, we are taught through family or media to be the pillars of strength and to keep it all together all the time but something was wrong with me. During the time of my late twenties, I had experienced things here and there and have always had some anxiety, but nothing like I was about to experience. Most of the time I would joke, work, and say I was “good.” I never really heard the older male influences in my life complain and I too thought that was the procedure to follow.. until a bit of the past came back to bite me.
When I was in my very early twenties, I was in a relationship. While in the relationship, I co-signed her student loan and I didn’t understand how they worked (stupid, I know). Years later after meeting my wife and getting married, I had received a call from that b*tch, Sallie Mae. I was notified that payments were missed and the loan was about to be defaulted on. I will also note that my mom just went through life-changing surgery and my nephew, who was 7 at the time, was diagnosed with cancer AND I had just gotten married.
Hello Depression
With all the issues going on around me and feeling like my financial well-being on the verge of collapse.. I got severely anxious. Like I said, I’ve always had some sort of anxiety, mostly social, but I could move past it. That level of anxiety put a toll on me that I couldn’t shake which lead to bad depression. I pushed ALMOST everyone away. I lost a couple of “close” friends from it and my wife and family were concerned about my health. I was barely working out, eating habits weren’t great, I was obsessive, over sleeping, and talking about my death. I think the fact that someone who had hurt me in the past (an ex) was hurting me in my future that I had worked hard to build.
Pushing Through..
Despite feeling depressed and anxious, I had to just keep getting through each day. Luckily with the help of my wife, a couple of true friends, and some family, I was able to keep re-accessing my thoughts. My nephew beat cancer and my mom started doing OK. Years went by and I think my ex eventually took care of the student debt and is no longer an issue. Even though things have calmed down in my life, I noticed that my initial reaction with problems had become anxiety and paranoia.
Recovery Mode
Time has come and gone. I’m older and have some grays in my beard now. Through working out, my wife, friends, experience, and God, I find myself not freaking out and falling into deep emotional holes as often. Having hobbies has really helped me refocus my attention and thinking sometimes as well. Life is feeling pretty tough right now, but life is a range of peaks and valleys and I’ll be okay.
Why is Men’s Mental Health Important?
How to Support Men’s Mental Health
For any other guys that are feeling stressed, depressed, anxious, please talk about how you feel. Reach out to someone that will listen. Family, friends, and hot-lines for mental health are all great options to reach for help. Don’t let your mind destroy you because it can happen so quickly. It’s on us to be heard about our mental health struggles and we can’t let toxic people downplay it. Men’s mental health isn’t just for June – it’s an everyday effort. Here are some simple ways to cope –
- Speaking to trusted friends and family
- Exercise
- Getting outside
- Learning a new hobby
- Religion (if that’s your thing)
- Being thankful
- Prioritize self-care
- Talk to your doctor
Here is another article that might help. Thank you for reading my story. Have you ever dealt with something like this? What are some good ways that you cope with mental health in a positive way?
